2024 Year End Video

This year has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and all I can say is, “Time is getting faster.” The past doesn’t really exist, nor does the future, but they are both worth rethinking and imagining.

As we enter the fourth year of this decade, four significant challenges have made this year particularly tough for me:

Filmmaking is a tiring process. Despite the stress, I enjoy the pressure that comes with doing what makes me happy. However, once the excitement fades, I find myself lost again. The hardest part is figuring out my next move, often leading me down the easy path of procrastination—especially when it comes to schoolwork.

I tend to overthink a lot, especially during consecutive film contests at school. I want my imagination and delusional thoughts to be validated; otherwise, I find myself picturing worst-case scenarios, driving myself crazy in the process. Sacrificing my free time for useless assumptions only adds to my anxiety.

Rejection is something that always stings. The avoidance of it fuels my anxiety. In short, the fear of rejection fills me with negativity. I prefer to hear the answer right away rather than wait in uncertainty.

There was a time when a teacher told me to cut my hair because I looked like a "tambay." He asked if my hairstyle was allowed in school, and when I replied that it was, he still insisted I cut it short. I complied, even though it hurt.

This feeling is slowly killing me. My lack of discipline has led me to waste precious time that could have been used wisely. If I had managed my time better, I could have already started my journey as a full-stack developer. Self-discipline is tough, especially when temptations are just a click away.

But even as darkness clouds my mind, a light often shines through, revealing that great things can emerge from suffering.

Filmmaking continues to excite me. The satisfaction I feel at the end of a project is unparalleled. However, when I’m not working on a film, that satisfaction flips to dissatisfaction.

Reading remains a challenge, but accomplishing it brings me joy at the end of the day. I hope to make it a more regular part of my life.

After going through all this, I find myself wanting to skip ahead to my next challenge. Yet, I get stuck in a loop, allowing my phone to waste my time instead of using it for growth. I’m aware that many factors limit me, and I often feel trapped in my comfort zone.

Once I finished my thesis, I experienced a strange lack of pressure and motivation. Everything felt dull, and I struggled to find reasons to get out of bed.

As I navigate my next steps, I often wonder if I’m just being hard on myself. Looking back, the year’s ups and downs are quite apparent. The highs bring great satisfaction, while the lows leave me feeling lost and useless.

In closing, I’ll be ending this year with mixed feelings, but at least I’m aware of them.