Ta Vil Ma

Yesterday, I had a conversation with Tita Vilma 👩‍🔬 that began unexpectedly after talking with her son, 👦🏻 one of my friends. We were planning for an upcoming film concept 🎞️ when Tita Vilma and I started talking about school, 🏫 then life, 🧬 until we ended up having a wide-ranging conversation. 🗯️ She generously shared her life experiences and the lessons she learned along the way. These lessons and pieces of advice were so valuable that I couldn't stop listening intently to her words. 😇 Her genuineness and openness about her life were truly inspiring. I feel incredibly lucky to have learned from her.♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡

During the conversation, I was particularly impressed by her strategic approach to problem-solving. 🫡 She has a remarkable ability to navigate challenges effectively and gracefully. It's true that I sometimes wish my mom possessed some of the same qualities that I admire in Tita Vilma. However, there's no doubt that Tita Vilma is an ideal mom and wife. 💕 Her husband and children are incredibly fortunate to have her in their lives.

These are some of Tita Vilma's most impactful lessons that continue to resonate with me.

We often fall into the trap of wanting immediate solutions to all our problems at once. It can be incredibly overwhelming to tackle everything simultaneously. I'm certainly guilty of this myself. But Tita Vilma offered a valuable piece of advice: even when faced with many challenges, focus on solving them one at a time. By tackling each problem methodically, you can find solutions and move forward with a sense of accomplishment. This approach allows you to avoid feeling overwhelmed and makes the process of problem-solving much less daunting.

We often get caught up in the past, dwelling on what could have been, or become anxious about the uncertain future. As Tita Vilma wisely said, the key is to find balance and focus on the present moment. The future is unpredictable, and clinging to rigid expectations or forcing a specific outcome is a recipe for disappointment. Instead, embrace the present and make the most of each day.

I recently confided in Tita Vilma about my eagerness to be in a relationship and my curiosity about what it's like. Her advice resonated deeply with me. She gently explained that forcing something, especially love, often leads to resistance. This reminded me of the concept of the Law of Reverse Effort and Wuwei, where striving too hard can backfire.

Tita Vilma then shared her own experience. She didn't actively seek a relationship and, in fact, married much later in life at the age of 33. Due to her childhood experiences, relationships weren't even on her mind. However, life unfolded in a way she never planned, and she's now happily married with a family. Her story beautifully illustrates the power of letting go and allowing things to happen organically.

In the Philippines, it's common to borrow money from neighbors. Tita Vilma, like many others, both borrows and lends money in times of need or emergency. Tita Vilma shared some interesting insights about her approach to this custom.

Tita Vilma avoids keeping records of her debtors. Her reasoning is that when people don't pay, it creates stress. You lend money to help, but then you have to chase them for repayment, adding even more stress. The irony is that you're the one who lent the money in the first place!

She prefers people to repay willingly, without pressure. However, she admitted to only remembering debtors when she genuinely needs the money back. In her view, constantly worrying about who owes her disrupts her peace of mind.

Tita Vilma's situation has become more stable now. However, she inherently dislikes borrowing because it disrupts her sleep and creates anxiety. This highlights her preference for financial security and self-reliance.

On the other hand, when Tita Vilma does borrow money, she has a strong commitment to repaying it on the agreed-upon date. She believes this builds trust with the lender. This highlights her responsible approach to borrowing.

Childhood is a time when children are often showered with gifts, money, and love from relatives and caregivers. In the Philippines, a common tradition during Christmas is for children to receive "pamasko" from their Ninongs and Ninangs (godparents), which is usually money. Unfortunately, some parents take this money for themselves.

Tita Vilma, however, has a different approach. Since her children were born, she has been setting aside this money in a separate savings account or trust fund for each child. This is a fantastic strategy because it helps ensure your children have financial resources for the future.

Having a dedicated fund can be incredibly beneficial. If your child needs medical care, you have readily available funds to cover the costs without straining your personal finances. These funds can also be used to support your children's activities and educational pursuits, allowing them to participate fully and reach their full potential.

Tita Vilma's long-term planning for her children's well-being is truly admirable. It's a smart and loving way to set them up for success in the future.

In the Philippines, it's all too common for children to face physical punishment, harsh words, and even curses when they make mistakes. I can admit, I've even been guilty of using these methods with my own sister in the past.

However, Tita Vilma opened my eyes to a different approach. She explained that negativity and punishment can actually lead to rebellion in children. Instead, parents should strive to 'feed' their children with positive thoughts and communication.

This means replacing hitting, shouting, and cursing with a more gentle and productive approach. Positive reinforcement, delivered in a harmless and careful way, fosters understanding and helps them learn from their mistakes. Here's where the magic happens: calmly talk to them, explain what they did wrong and why it's a problem, but most importantly, offer guidance and support to help them make better choices moving forward.

For Parents: Read this book

Tita Vilma, introduced me to a powerful parenting concept that resonated deeply. It's outlined in a compact but insightful book that has become a cornerstone of her approach. The book highlights the importance of parents wearing three key hats.

The first hat represents the Authority Figure. This role involves setting clear boundaries, providing discipline, and ensuring the safety of your children. A parent wearing this hat makes responsible decisions and guides their children's behavior.

The second hat signifies the Supportive Friend. This role focuses on fostering a strong bond with your child. It involves offering encouragement, celebrating their achievements, and being a patient listener who provides a safe space for them to share their feelings.

Finally, the third hat symbolizes the Wise Mentor. Here, the parent guides their child through life's lessons. This involves helping them learn from mistakes, develop problem-solving skills, and navigate the world responsibly.

Tita Vilma's parenting success is evident in the open and trusting relationship she shares with her children. They feel comfortable confiding in her, a testament to the safe and supportive environment she's created. This is something truly special – a parent-child bond where kids feel comfortable talking about anything. Honestly, I seldom share things with my own parents. I don't feel comfortable doing it, especially sharing something that makes me feel vulnerable. On the other side, Tita Vilma's approach is truly admirable. She did a great job. She raised her children in a way that fosters open communication, which is invaluable.

Tita Vilma's family has a sweet tradition. Whenever a child faces a competition or important event, they all gather for a prayer. This isn't just about faith; it's a powerful display of family support that goes beyond words. Witnessing their unity and receiving their blessings undoubtedly boosts one's confidence, especially with a family that's so close. It makes you wish you had something similar.

I wholeheartedly agree with Tita Vilma's perspective. When we get too attached to things, anything that holds significance for us, from our first car to our expensive phone, the fear of losing them can be heartbreaking. Taking things in stride, however, allows us to navigate life's inevitable ups and downs with greater resilience. Tita Vilma emphasized that everything in life is temporary, a loan to us for a time, not a permanent possession.

What truly surprised me was her application of this philosophy to her family. At some situation When her children approach her for decisions, instead of dictating the answer, she empowers them to make their own choices. This aligns perfectly with the 'three hats' concept – fostering independence while providing crucial guidance.

Tita Vilma's acceptance of life's uncertainties, expressed in her 'in God's will' approach, further highlights her remarkable outlook. It's a delicate balancing act – taking things lightly in the sense of not getting overly attached, but still approaching life with passion and purpose. This mindset may seem challenging to achieve, but Tita Vilma embodies it beautifully.

Unlike many couples who resort to shouting or physical altercations during disagreements, Tita Vilma and her partner handle things differently. They choose a calmer approach, opting for quiet introspection rather than heated arguments. Tita Vilma admits that misunderstandings do arise at home, but they seem to navigate them peacefully.

This approach extends to even the most trivial disagreements. She shared a heartwarming anecdote about her child's innocent perspective on household arguments. When asked to write about what causes fights at home, the child's answer was simply "remote control!" This lighthearted response, which delighted Tita Vilma, highlights the positive and peaceful atmosphere she has cultivated in her home.

The strength of Tita Vilma's self-control is truly admirable. Her ability to manage her anger and avoid displaying negativity in front of her children is a valuable lesson for all. It suggests the importance of finding healthy conflict resolution strategies that prioritize communication and respect, even in disagreements.\

Many families have a dynamic where one parent might appear stricter than the other. In Tita Vilma's household, her husband can sometimes be hesitant about allowing their children to participate in certain activities. This could lead to the kids feeling intimidated and hesitant to approach him directly.

Here's where Tita Vilma shines as a "diplomat mom." She acts as a bridge between her children and their father. Instead of the children assuming their dad will disapprove, Tita Vilma first talks to her husband, explaining their children's desires and concerns. This initial conversation prepares him for the upcoming request and allows him to consider it thoughtfully.

Tita Vilma then empowers her children by encouraging them to directly ask their dad for permission. She reminds them that they haven't yet presented their case, and their dad may surprise them with a yes. In most cases, after this open communication, the husband agrees. Tita Vilma then reinforces the positive outcome by saying something like, "See, your dad agreed!"

This approach creates a more open and balanced family environment. The children learn to advocate for themselves while respecting their father's role in decision-making. It's not just mom who's involved; Dad is actively included in the process.

It's refreshing to meet parents like Tita Vilma who prioritize their children's well-being above all else. She's dedicated to giving her kids the best possible life, without placing the burden of responsibility on them in return. Tita Vilma wants her children to focus on their growth and happiness, not feel obligated to repay her efforts. This approach beautifully exemplifies that parenting is a selfless act of love, not a transaction.

Talking to Tita Vilma felt like a warm hug. Her happiness was clear, and she openly shared her life story with me. It made me wish more parents were like her. Her story reminded me of something important: being a good parent in a positive way really matters. It might not be easy to do everything perfectly, but I'm young and can learn from her for the future.